My Confrontation

I've never been good with change. I guess there are some people out there who are, I just know I've never been a big fan. I've been experiencing a lot of change lately and I am doing my best not to freak out. My life has changed dramatically over the last few years and that is scary. I've had my moments, all you have to do is ask those closest to me. I've been fighting the changes but it's been brought to my attention that that's not Godly living. I can say it all day long but unless I live the fact that God is my provider and shelter then I'm not doing any better than before.

I have not only had physical changes but also and most importantly emotional and spiritual changes. These changes are not only coming but they are coming at multiple levels and at times when I least expect it. There are things and issues in my life that I thought I overcame years ago but are suddenly popping back up and presenting themselves. My being and believing is being put to the test it seems and I feel like if I don't pay attention I will fail.

I feel like my roots have been getting stronger over the last couple years but my leaves are being shaken. I'm scared to lose my leaves. Oh man, that makes me laugh. I'm the tree who's scared to lose it's leaves. Then I want to complain when spring comes because all the other trees have new ones, while I'm sitting here sporting the same raggedy leaves I had the year before.

For so long I've been dealing with the change as it comes. I've been anxious about it and resistant until it over comes me and I have no other choice but to make the most of it.  For the most part, I'm thankful for it in the end but I'm tired of living that way. I want to get excited about the change instead of anxious. I'd like to welcome the change instead of resist it. I want to say I worked with it to make it great, instead of worked on it to make it OK.

A slow and steady process but a process none the less. Baby steps are still steps, even though they are small. My goal for the week is to take some small steps toward accepting change a little better. Try not to fight it, flow with it. We'll see how that goes…