"Don't let your heart be led by your eyes." I don't remember where I heard it exactly, I'm sure it's been said many times, in many different ways; but I like it. I'm doing my best; I'm rrrrrrrreally trying. Years and years of culture and wrong thinking to undo for sure. I just don't know where to begin sometimes. LUCKILY, I know someone who knows how to show me a little at a time so I don't freak out. The process of being changed for the better is quite tiresome, if you didn't know.
How convenient would it be if I could follow the things I saw instead of following what I know in my heart and mind to be true. This is a misleading and cruel world sometimes. I'm operating out of a more powerful mindset now though. I would like to think that if I wanted to be a good person than I would just be; but no. Its a decision that you make to give your life for others. Selfless. Think about, wholly and honestly selfless, so that you might lead a better life as well as those around you. A lot to ask and a little extreme but man…if you could impart that kind of giving to the world think about where we would be? What would our children have to look forward to? What peace and fulfillment we would have if we could just give a little more, have a little more faith? I know this might sound corny but if you think about it…where would we be if Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, or Martin Luther King Jr., (yes, I put them all in the "dreamers" category) didn't try to obtain something that wasn't set before them already. They had dreams, they saw something bigger and better and went after it.
Yea, I could chill out and act like nothing around me matters. I could say that I don't care what kind of world my kids will live in when I'm gone but that's just not fact. I was born to care. I volunteer because I care. I do my best to help those in need because I care. I'm not sorry for that. I'm not sorry for the nights of selfishness I missed because I was doing good for someone or something else. Indifference is not in me. Hard it will be, but I got this. I'm going to walk the road less traveled by and I know that will make all the difference.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I admit
Short and sweet...I don't want to be a judgy-judger; I try my best not to be. I'm only human, I'm going to make assumptions when things are presented and they don't look normal. Not being a judgy-judger, I will make it a point to evaluate those initial feelings and discard them if they don't belong.
I only want to be what I was meant to be, I can only conclude that the others around me and even those who aren't, want the same thing. It's taken years but I realize now that my perfection lies in the beauty of my differences and the way I accept others for theirs; good or bad, right or wrong. I will admit that I feel as though I am smart person. I think highly of myself with the exception of few self conscience areas that I'm working on. I like to learn, though it's not always easy. On occasion, I do like to be the center of attention because I feel like I'm as good as anyone to pay attention to. I try to be the positive light in this dark and negative world. I admit that I like to look good, I want people to see me coming and remember me when I go. You might call me vain and that word isn't the most positive one but when you look at it's synonyms they aren't all bad…just saying. I do love myself. If I didn't, I wouldn't fully be capable of loving others.
I'm proud of who I am and where I've come from. On the other hand I need to be understanding to the fact that not everyone comes from the same place. In addition, not everyone is in the same place in their life as I am. With much learned, I know there is much still to be learned. I don't want to miss the opportunity to be educated because I'm being a judgy-judger. Life is good, I'm going to treat it as such and let those around me see that they can enjoy and be themselves as well. I will let them learn their lessons at their own pace and if or when they need me, I'll be around.
I only want to be what I was meant to be, I can only conclude that the others around me and even those who aren't, want the same thing. It's taken years but I realize now that my perfection lies in the beauty of my differences and the way I accept others for theirs; good or bad, right or wrong. I will admit that I feel as though I am smart person. I think highly of myself with the exception of few self conscience areas that I'm working on. I like to learn, though it's not always easy. On occasion, I do like to be the center of attention because I feel like I'm as good as anyone to pay attention to. I try to be the positive light in this dark and negative world. I admit that I like to look good, I want people to see me coming and remember me when I go. You might call me vain and that word isn't the most positive one but when you look at it's synonyms they aren't all bad…just saying. I do love myself. If I didn't, I wouldn't fully be capable of loving others.
I'm proud of who I am and where I've come from. On the other hand I need to be understanding to the fact that not everyone comes from the same place. In addition, not everyone is in the same place in their life as I am. With much learned, I know there is much still to be learned. I don't want to miss the opportunity to be educated because I'm being a judgy-judger. Life is good, I'm going to treat it as such and let those around me see that they can enjoy and be themselves as well. I will let them learn their lessons at their own pace and if or when they need me, I'll be around.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I Won't Complain
When people ask me how I'm doing, I have made a habit of answering by saying, "I'm doing well, I really can't complain." I get various responses but I just think it sums up how I should feel and I do. When I really think about it, I have no reason, no issues so big I should even complain about them. I've been given so much but in reality I have made a part time job out of complaining. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I don't want to call this person, that person is annoying, I don't feel like it, and the list just goes on. Today I apologize. I'm sorry to those people I haven't been patient with. I'm also sorry to those who have to hear me complain. I know it's wrong when I do it so I'm in the process of stopping; bare with me...
My apology to God goes like this, taken from the 23rd Psalm:
Lord you are my father so I shouldn't want, or complain.
You insist I lay down in the sun, you walk with me down the beach and beside the quiet lake.
You repair my spirit and guide me through my journey to Christ-likeness for the expansion of your Kingdom.
As I walk through this valley with the thought of death all around me; I fear nothing because I know that you are always with me.
Your word and your spirit ease my discomfort.
You make a place for me among my enemies and you bless me from head to foot so that my heart overflows.
I know that kindness and love will be with me as long as I live and beyond.
I will live in your heart and you in mine for eternity.
I think it's important we remember those who have little to nothing; little to no food, running water, electricity, jobs, family, friends. I'm sorry to all of those I forgot about in the midst of my ungratefulness. I'm going to make you a part of Do Better 2011.. Sorry I didn't do it before Valentine's Day but I figure better late than never. I feel like it's the best kind of Valentine's day gift; a piece of my heart… though, I do like roses ;)
My apology to God goes like this, taken from the 23rd Psalm:
Lord you are my father so I shouldn't want, or complain.
You insist I lay down in the sun, you walk with me down the beach and beside the quiet lake.
You repair my spirit and guide me through my journey to Christ-likeness for the expansion of your Kingdom.
As I walk through this valley with the thought of death all around me; I fear nothing because I know that you are always with me.
Your word and your spirit ease my discomfort.
You make a place for me among my enemies and you bless me from head to foot so that my heart overflows.
I know that kindness and love will be with me as long as I live and beyond.
I will live in your heart and you in mine for eternity.
I think it's important we remember those who have little to nothing; little to no food, running water, electricity, jobs, family, friends. I'm sorry to all of those I forgot about in the midst of my ungratefulness. I'm going to make you a part of Do Better 2011.. Sorry I didn't do it before Valentine's Day but I figure better late than never. I feel like it's the best kind of Valentine's day gift; a piece of my heart… though, I do like roses ;)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Strength
I have always been a strong person. I grew up with three brothers who I loved to hang out with, they were always putting me to the test. Could I run as fast, climb as high, or jump as far as them? My emotional strength was tested as a young age as well in more than one or two ways. I think of myself as a survivor; using every opportunity whether I wanted to or not, to prove I could hold up and in the end, stand strong.
This is the last week of the fast; only four days left. I did it. There was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn't but I thought it was going to be hard. Now that we are at the end, I wouldn't describe it as hard or tedious but more like a long walk in the sun toward the nearest fresh water spring. Walking isn't difficult but when you add the factors of heat and distance it's just.. uncomfortable. The thought of the fresh spring in the end is the confidence and knowledge that have been taught to me during this time. It even crossed my mind to keep going with the fast. I really wanted to continue the journey, learning and growing but I must remember that this isn't the end, it's just a rest stop. I will eventually start walking again, so I realize it would be smarter to spend some time with this spring and sip my cool water, for I know that I'll need my strength for the next leg of this trip.
Over the last five and a half weeks I have seen my life transform. I have taken action and made choices that will better my life and the lives of others. I still have plenty to do but I am off to a great start; it's no longer foreign to do what I say I'm going to do, like so many others out there who would like to make a difference. My good intentions have taken on a life of their own and made their way from my heart, to my head, and out of my hands.
My training is almost complete and my graduation day is coming. The girl is now a woman and I feel good about where I am and where I've been. I am grateful for the strength I've found in myself. So thankful for the confidence that I have gained. This has been an incredible experience and I can't wait for the next. I will take my rest and have my sweets when the clock releases me from my commitment but I won't forget the lessons that I learn. I was put to the test and passed with flying colors, if I may say so myself.. :)
This is the last week of the fast; only four days left. I did it. There was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn't but I thought it was going to be hard. Now that we are at the end, I wouldn't describe it as hard or tedious but more like a long walk in the sun toward the nearest fresh water spring. Walking isn't difficult but when you add the factors of heat and distance it's just.. uncomfortable. The thought of the fresh spring in the end is the confidence and knowledge that have been taught to me during this time. It even crossed my mind to keep going with the fast. I really wanted to continue the journey, learning and growing but I must remember that this isn't the end, it's just a rest stop. I will eventually start walking again, so I realize it would be smarter to spend some time with this spring and sip my cool water, for I know that I'll need my strength for the next leg of this trip.
Over the last five and a half weeks I have seen my life transform. I have taken action and made choices that will better my life and the lives of others. I still have plenty to do but I am off to a great start; it's no longer foreign to do what I say I'm going to do, like so many others out there who would like to make a difference. My good intentions have taken on a life of their own and made their way from my heart, to my head, and out of my hands.
My training is almost complete and my graduation day is coming. The girl is now a woman and I feel good about where I am and where I've been. I am grateful for the strength I've found in myself. So thankful for the confidence that I have gained. This has been an incredible experience and I can't wait for the next. I will take my rest and have my sweets when the clock releases me from my commitment but I won't forget the lessons that I learn. I was put to the test and passed with flying colors, if I may say so myself.. :)
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