Do you know what it feels like to have the heavens open up to you? I didn't. Now I do. Do you know what it feels like to have your dreams come true? I do, in every sense of the meaning. Do you know what it feels like to have a list of things to do.. big things.. things that are important to you.. and to start crossing them off one at a time? I do.
I've been meaning to write.. it's just been one of the hundred-plus things I've been having to find time to do, but the window opened, so here I am. I'm finally starting to practice what I've learned: Let it be. I'm not trying to force windows or doors open anymore. I'm letting them open on their own so I can just go through; I'll save my energy and strength for what's waiting on the other side. The more I let go of the thought that I can control my life, the more it's starting to look like I want it to.
I've come to a place where I love myself enough to let some things go. I'm letting go of the image I'd like to project to other people. I'm going to be what I am, the good and the bad. I'm letting go of all the things I thought I wanted, back when I used to only think of myself. I'm letting go of the fear of being and not being...
A year ago this was all just a picture in my mind. A picture of a life I had faith in. The life I thought I'd have some day if I kept on moving, one step at a time. I've worked hard and there is still more work to be done. I've been busy but I know I'm only going to get busier. Still growing of course, but I'm truly happy and appreciative of all that I have and don't have.
It hasn't been easy but it's getting easier. My time has been spent learning from others and taking time for myself. Reflection is one of my many teachers and I'm not letting anything set my schedule but time itself. I've been practicing patience with myself and with others. I've been loving who I truly am, even when I feel failure for that brief moment or in that one situation. I've been pushing forward even when I feel like quitting.
I wanted to apologize to the people I've not seen or talked to, as well as, the people I see and talk to less. You've been heavy on my heart. I ask that you not hold it against me. I've been taking some time to learn so that I might share. Rest assured when that window opens, I'll be there.
Send me your energy and pray for me, I promise it won't be in vain… good things are to come from the woman who now lives without shame.
Peace and Love
